I can yell “I PUT THE FUCKING BEANS IN, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP?!” at the coffeemaker all day long, but if I didn’t put water in, and it takes me 30 minutes to figure out that that’s what is causing the “malfunction,” well then I suppose it is not the machine’s fault.

And this is why I need a coffee I.V. next to the bed.