My Sassy Pedicurist, while examining the state of my marathon-season feet….
Sassy: “Running is good. Keep you thin. But give you feet like man.”
Me: “At least I have all my toenails this time!”
Sassy: “No toenail, no problem. I paint over. This (pointing to blister) I can’t do nothing. You lucky summer over. No man want to see this.”
Me: “But I have a date tonight. I’m wearing sandals.”
Sassy: (With a stern look of disapproval) “I do what I can. But you want husband, you wear socks tonight.”
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Negotiations
Tutoring a 2nd grader:
Kid: “How come I still have to learn with you when my teacher says in June we don’t have to learn anymore?”
Me: “Your teacher should not have told you that.”
Kid: “Why? She was just being honest. I like when adults are honest.”
Me: “Ok. Honestly? You still have to learn with me because your parents are paying me a lot of money.”
Kid: “Like enough money to buy a pack of Twizzlers?”
Me: “More than one.”
Kid: (pause) “Alright. Let’s learn then. But you better buy me a pack”
I Feel The Same Way
Kid: “Ms. Emily, when did you go to Paris?”
Me: “A while ago, when I was 23.”
Kid: “You’re older than 23?!?”
Me: “Yes, new favorite person. I’m 31.”
Kid: “THIRTY ONE?!?! Holy zucchini bread!!!”
