No, Jeff. No I do not.
Category Archives: Dating/Single Life
This Amusing-Turned-Unstable Guy, Part 1
I give up.
Classic Uncle Dave
While tutoring…
Kid: “Are you dressing up for Halloween?”
Me: “No.”
Kid: “Well, my Uncle Dave is going to be a ball. You should be his chain.” (Bursts out laughing)
Me: “Did he tell you to say that to me?”
Kid: “Yes.”
Me: “Do you even know what that means?”
Kid: “No.”
I Don’t Wear Makeup to Work
Tutoring…
Kid: “My uncle likes to meet girls on a website called Hinge, and he saw you on it.”
Me: “Well that’s just perfect.”
Kid: “He showed me your picture.”
Me: “That’s inappropriate, but ok.”
Kid: “Yeah, well. I told him that is NOT what you look like when you come to tutor me.”
Thank You, Hinge
Well the folks at Hinge must have heard I’m having a rough day, because in today’s batch of male suitors, they sent me 2 ex boyfriends, 1 friend’s ex boyfriend, and 1 guy I know through a friend, and that friend has assured me that this guy is gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that. Except in this context. In this context there is a fundamentally huge thing wrong with that).
Perfect Gentleman
That magical moment at the end of a lovely evening, when he acts like a true gentleman and insists on taking you all the way to your building’s front awning, rather than just leaving you at the corner.
Thanks again, cabbie.
Apple-picking!
Not just for families and couples anymore.
I swear
If that 4-foot-9, elderly, non-english-speaking asian masseuse had asked me to marry him at the end of that 80 minute deep tissue massage, I swear to god I would have said yes.
This is a statement about my dating life. The massage wasn’t that great.
Relationship Milestones
That amazing point in a relationship where you’ve been seeing each other for long enough that you finally feel comfortable answering the door for him in your pajamas, braless, without a stitch of makeup.
Tonight’s the night, food delivery guy.
It’s For You
My tutoring kid greets me at the door, phone to her ear…
Kid (talking into phone): “Oh guess what, Uncle Dave!? EMILY is here!”
(Pauses to listen)
Kid (into phone): “You know– my tutor who I told you about? Remember? She has yellow hair, she’s 32, and she does NOT have a husband.”
(Pauses to listen)
Kid (into phone): “Ok one sec.” (Hands phone to me) “Here. He wants to talk to you.”
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