Sassy Pedicurist’s final words of wisdom before I head to Israel:

Me: “Any advice as I head into a country possibly on the brink of war?”
Sassy: “Wear shoe with open toe. Feet look good with pedicure. The men, they notice this.”
Me: “Ok. I meant, like, safety advice.”
Sassy: “Yes. This is for safety. Nice feet bring good man to protect you.”
Me: “Ah, got it.”
Sassy: “You go with friends?”
Me: “Yes. My two girlfriends.”
Sassy: “They have husband?”
Me: “No.”
Sassy: “Three husband you need. This is harder. You bring lots of polish for touch up.”

July 10, 2014

Sassy Pedicurist’s take on going to Israel, mid-war:

Me: “Do you think I should still go?”
Sassy: “Dangerous. But I have client who go and meet husband there. You meet husband there, danger is ok.”
Me: “So you’re saying it’s worth risking my life to meet a husband?” 
Sassy (shrugging): “What life you have with no husband?”
Me: “Excuse me, I have a—”
Sassy: “None. No life.”

June 28, 2014

Kicking off summer right with Sassy Pedicurist:

Sassy: “I see you get sun.”
Me: “Yes, I laid out in the park today.”
Sassy: “Sun bad for skin. Give you wrinkles.”
Me: “And let me guess…THIS is why I don’t have a husband?”
Sassy: “I just try to do you favor.”
Me: “Well, thanks. But I’m doing just fine.”
Sassy: “My cousin say that. She die alone.”