“I’ve been reading your blog all week and you know what? Fuck you.”
— New York, to me.
#homesweethome
Category Archives: Random Thoughts/Happenings
Clearly We Both Want This, Sir
That awkward moment on a plane during takeoff when you and the person next to you are playing a silent game of “who’s going to be the one to put the armrest down” chicken.
This Is Bad, Guys
I was super excited about the new multi-racial emojis, so much so that I immediately tested out all the new skin tones the moment I downloaded my new system, sending this to my friend:
But because he hadn’t updated his system, he just saw this:
Turns out the non-white emojis don’t transfer to the old system, so if you try to use them, they’re replaced with aliens.
Again, in case you missed that– any race other than white shows up AS AN ALIEN.
This is very bad.
And there’s STILL no taco.
Wise Words
Someone once told me that all you have to do to lose weight is get a tan, as that instantly takes off 15 pounds.
That someone died of skin cancer. And a heart attack.
She looked great, though.
“Heyyyyyy, Jennifer Aniston!”
— homeless person on Santa Monica beach, to me.
50 points L.A.
The only thing an NYC homeless person has ever called me is “White bitch.” (And she was white! I don’t know why that made it worse, but it did.)
LA 81; NYC 9
No Cure For That
I strolled back into the Pressed Juicery this morning (shut up), ready and willing to try something of the green variety. Whatever, when in Rome, right? (Rome = Kardashian Town). I encountered a helpful man who was happy to guide a juice novice.
Me: “I had a coffee one the other day and I swear it cured my headache. But it was really high in fat, so I’d like to try one of the green ones. Are any of these known to help headaches and fatigue?”
Helpful Man: “Do you get headaches often?”
Me: “Yes.”
Helpful Man: “Do you have any allergies?”
Me: “Not that I’m aware of…”
Helpful Man: “Wheat?”
Me: “No.”
Helpful Man: “Gluten?”
Me: “No. No allergies. But I often feel headachy and dehydrated, even though I drink lots of water.”
Helpful Man: “Hmmmm”
Me: “I think it’s just because I’m Jewish.”
Helpful Man: “Yeah. Unfortunately we don’t have anything for that.”
Damnit.
My Hair Has Never Looked Less Jewish!!!!!!!!
20 points LA. This changes everything.
LA 31; NYC 8
Things That Line The City Streets
LA:
NYC:
Point L.A.
LA 11; NYC 8
My Friends In L.A. Don’t Own An Umbrella
“No. Why would we?”
Five points LA.
LA 10; NYC 7
(Side note: “Point LA!” — Libby, after every single thing that happens. No. It doesn’t work that way. I decide how points are allotted, and there is absolutely no rhyme or reason to any of it. You know what? Point NYC for people in LA thinking they can influence the point system.)
New score: LA 10; NYC 8
You’re Fine
This L.A. meteorologist just referred to these Wrightwood, CA temps as “frigid” and issued a “freeze warning.”
No. Buy a fucking cardigan, Wrightwood. You’re fine.
Point NYC.
LA 5, NYC 7
Emily's Posts 