On the subway just now, riding by myself, minding my own business, sitting sandwiched between two men:

Man: “I don’t mean to be forward, but, you are really gorgeous.”

Me (flustered): “Oh, um…thank you, I, um–”

Man: “I wasn’t talking to you.”

Me: “Oh.”

Man: “I was talking to him.”

Eric and I are at the courthouse to claim domestic partnership so that I can be included on his health care plan. 

Eric: “Should we just get married? We’re here.”

Me: “Depends which line is longer.”

Eric: “Deal.”

We’ll let you know how things pan out. 

One of my good friends lives in my building so Eric and I invited her to come by for dinner tonight, but she has plans to go out. 

Eric: “I don’t understand. Plans? Does she know it’s snowing?”

Atta boy. 

“There are lots of leftovers in the fridge from the dinner I made tonight. And I just made you a ton of tuna fish salad.”

— Eric, worried that when he leaves for his 3-day business trip tomorrow and I’m left to feed myself, I will die. 

Driving back from sibling vacation in the North Fork… 

Jeremy (to Eric): “Wait. Where are you from again? Long Island? Or wait, no– Philly?”

Eric: “Yeah, Philly.”

Jeremy: “Right right I knew it was Philly.”

He’s from Chappaqua. 

No, I’m sorry store credit card machine, I cannot save a child with a donation to UNICEF this holiday, as I just gave all my life-saving money to the 6 porters in my building who I did not know existed until I received the building’s staff holiday card.

Relatedly, what is a porter?

Eric: “Did I gain weight?”

Me: “No. Did I gain weight? Wait, is that why you asked– because you think I gained weight?”

Eric: “Is that actually how your mind works?”

Me (laughing): “No, I was kidding.”

Yes.