Everyone needs to lay off Brian Williams. Who DOESN’T lie at work?!

• “This is the most interesting Colonial America expository I’ve ever read!” (not possible)
• “I don’t understand why you think it’s so funny when I read the words ‘Moby Dick.'” (I do. I get it. You’re 9.)
• “I’m not upset that you’re sick, I’m upset that you’re not covering your mouth when you cough.” (I’m VERY upset that you’re sick– GO HOME!)
• “The Handwriting-Detective app on my iPhone will help me figure out who wrote ‘sex’ on this post it note, so I suggest you just confess.” (Handwriting app doesn’t exist, but I already know the culprit, as only one of you knows what sex is.)
• “I respect your parents’ decision not to let you wear deodorant, and I don’t at all wish I could handcuff them to a table in this classroom on days we have gym first period.” (I make this plea to god every Thursday)
• “This math lesson is going to be interesting AND fun!” (a quick two-lies-in-one)
• “I missed you over the summer!” (I feel like you’re not even buying this one, so I’m not sure why I keep saying it)
• “Everything we do in this classroom is important!” (It’s not. It’s just not. Composite vs. prime numbers? No. Who cares. You’re fine.)

Although I suppose one could argue that I, too, should be fired…