Goddamnit, crossing guard– what the hell is the point of living in NYC if I can’t jaywalk?!? This is like, the ONE point you had over LA.

And what the fuck is this weather?!?!? Foggy with a chance of murder?

Are you SERIOUS, door? You want me to PULL you open? Who has time for this shit?!

Why is everything working against me today?!?!?!