Sassy Pedicurist: “You need eyebrow wax.”
Me: “I know. But I’m going to the beach for two weeks, I’ll just do it when I get back.”
Sassy: “You still need nice eyebrow at the beach.”
Me: “No I don’t. I’ll just be with family.”
Sassy: “Family still need to look at your face.”
Tag Archives: sassy pedicurist
Sassy Pedicurist: Nice Feet Bring Good Man
Sassy Pedicurist’s final words of wisdom before I head to Israel:
Me: “Any advice as I head into a country possibly on the brink of war?”
Sassy: “Wear shoe with open toe. Feet look good with pedicure. The men, they notice this.”
Me: “Ok. I meant, like, safety advice.”
Sassy: “Yes. This is for safety. Nice feet bring good man to protect you.”
Me: “Ah, got it.”
Sassy: “You go with friends?”
Me: “Yes. My two girlfriends.”
Sassy: “They have husband?”
Me: “No.”
Sassy: “Three husband you need. This is harder. You bring lots of polish for touch up.”
Sassy Pedicurist: You Meet Husband, Danger is Ok
July 10, 2014
Sassy Pedicurist’s take on going to Israel, mid-war:
Me: “Do you think I should still go?”
Sassy: “Dangerous. But I have client who go and meet husband there. You meet husband there, danger is ok.”
Me: “So you’re saying it’s worth risking my life to meet a husband?”
Sassy (shrugging): “What life you have with no husband?”
Me: “Excuse me, I have a—”
Sassy: “None. No life.”
Sassy Pedicurist: I Just Try To Do You Favor
June 28, 2014
Kicking off summer right with Sassy Pedicurist:
Sassy: “I see you get sun.”
Me: “Yes, I laid out in the park today.”
Sassy: “Sun bad for skin. Give you wrinkles.”
Me: “And let me guess…THIS is why I don’t have a husband?”
Sassy: “I just try to do you favor.”
Me: “Well, thanks. But I’m doing just fine.”
Sassy: “My cousin say that. She die alone.”
Sassy Pedicurist: Wrong.
Sassy Pedicurist: “You get eyebrow wax today?”
Me: “No. I don’t think I need one.”
Sassy: “Mmm hmmm. You wrong.”
Sassy Pedicurist: Feet Like THIS?!
Latest Sassy Pedicurist encounter:
Me: “I had my 10 year college reunion this weekend.”
Sassy: “And you come for pedicure NOW? You go to party with feet like THIS?”
Me: “Relax. I wore close-toed shoes the whole time.”
Sassy: (disapproving glare) “You see old boyfriends?”
Me: “No, actually. None of them were there!”
Sassy: “Mmm hmmm. They stay home with their wives. Wives with nice feet.”
Sassy Pedicurist: My Boots
Sassy Pedicurist is wasting no time these days. The moment I walk into the nail salon…
Me: “Pedicure, please.”
Sassy: (staring at my boots) “After pedicure you go to moon?”
(For the record, she is about the 10th person to make this joke about my boots, but this is the first time I’ve had a burst-into-laughter response because a) everything is funnier in broken english and b) I am very, very afraid of her.)
Sassy Pedicurist: No Toenail, No Problem
My Sassy Pedicurist, while examining the state of my marathon-season feet….
Sassy: “Running is good. Keep you thin. But give you feet like man.”
Me: “At least I have all my toenails this time!”
Sassy: “No toenail, no problem. I paint over. This (pointing to blister) I can’t do nothing. You lucky summer over. No man want to see this.”
Me: “But I have a date tonight. I’m wearing sandals.”
Sassy: (With a stern look of disapproval) “I do what I can. But you want husband, you wear socks tonight.”
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