I Need an Agent

28 weeks ago, I posted the photo below (of MY water bottle) on my Instagram. It received a whopping 8 likes.


Yesterday, @teachermisery posted my photo on THEIR Instagram:



I was honored and flattered that @teachermisery jacked my photo, but I couldn’t help but think “WHY DOES NO ONE LIKE ME?!?”

JK, it wasn’t that dramatic. But it WAS important enough for me to interrupt Eric at work and complain to him. And here was Positive Peter’s take:


He’s so cute when he blatantly lies to my face.

And even if his numbers WERE accurate (I didn’t do the math, I’m just assuming he was bullshitting me, it’s sort of what he does), the 300 likes more than doubled, so now the stats are way off. THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL WORSE, ERIC.

So a few things, friends:

  1. I need an agent. If you’re interested in doing that for exactly zero dollars, email me at emilysposts1@gmail.com
  2. Follow my Instagram, @emilysposts1. I used to just post screen shots of my posts but I soon learned that’s annoying, as people on Insta don’t like to read. I get it. Words are hard. Fair enough. So I’ve recently started posting more actual photos. YOU’RE WELCOME, all my friends who have complained! (so…all my friends.).
  3. I promise to never post a photo of a cat.
  4. I promise that if I break the promise in #3, it’ll be because I’m making fun of the cat.
  5. No, never mind. No cats. I’m firm on this.

That’s it.

2 thoughts on “I Need an Agent

  1. I know how you feel. I write something is fantastic (not recently) and maybe one or two people see it. Then I get absolutely zero views, but three likes. I guess that means people liked the title but didn’t bother to read the rest of the piece. Should I be flattered or frustrated.
    I am following you, and commenting when I deem it appropriate–or when I think I can make a decent joke–so what I am telling you is that I am doing my part–and of course, I feel your pain. Yadayada

    Liked by 1 person

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