1) My worst childhood fear is coming true– Jaws has found a way to exist in the toilet, and the flush is his attack signal.
2) Zombie apocalypse: attack of the pipe people.
3) I’m hallucinating. Things like this don’t happen to educated professionals at their place of employment. Did I take my meds today?
4) This “bathroom” is, as I’ve always suspected, a torture chamber for serial killers, designed to implode after any sudden movements.
5) I’ve done it. I’ve angered God.
But no. Turns out we just work in a dilapidated shithole that probably once housed zoo animals.