Parent: “My daughter is reading at a level J but I want her to be a P for the test in April. Can you do that?”
Me: “I can try, but to be honest, that’s a big leap to make in such a short period of time.”
Parent: “You have your teaching degree from Columbia, right?”

Yes, ma’am, Columbia. Not Hogwarts.

#notawizard

Kid: “Is there anything you want for the holidays? My parents want to get you a gift.”
Me: “That’s so nice! Any gift would be appreciated.”
Kid: “Well is there anything you NEED?”
Me: “Hmmm…let me think…”
Kid: “My mom said makeup.”

Kid: “My Aunt Rachel has that shirt you’re wearing!”
Me: “Cool!”
Kid: “She wore it like every day when she was pregnant. She calls it her ‘too tired to care shirt.'”

This is my fanciest shirt.