October 17, 2014

I arrive to tutor and tell the kid I need to use the bathroom before we begin. She says her toilet is broken but that I can use her parents’ bathroom. She escorts me there, opens the bathroom door, and glances inside.

Kid: “Oh man, Dad left his balloons on the floor again!”

Condoms. They were condoms

People say that as a teacher, I am shaping the future of America. I’m not sure I truly believed that until this very moment.

Me (to a boy wearing a baby pink version of our school t-shirt): “Love the shirt! What made you choose pink over the green or white?”
Kid: “Because you always say– ‘real men wear pink.'”

Watching the movie version of our class read-aloud (Because of Winn Dixie), and Dave Matthews makes a surprise cameo.

Me: “Did any of you recognize that man who played Otis?
Kid: “I did!”
Me: “Really?”
Kid: “No.”
Me: “Ok, then why did you say yes?”
Kid: “Because whenever you ask questions like that and nobody says yes, you get sad, put your head in your hands, and talk about how old you feel.”

That inspiring moment when a formerly confused student declares “This is easy!” while taking his math test.

That subsequent moment when you see he got every single question wrong.

Including his name.