I know it’s POSSIBLE to cook without a George Foreman grill, I’m just wondering HOW it’s done and also if you’ll do it for me.
Category Archives: Random Thoughts/Happenings
If Only
If needless worrying counted as exercise, I’d have the body of a runway model.
What’s MY Excuse
June 30, 2014
That moment when your expanding pregnant sister tells you she plans to just rotate wearing the same 3 loose dresses all summer, and you realize you’ve been pulling that move since 2004.
Harmony
“You’re everything, everything, I wish I could be” — man in the apartment above my bathroom, right after I sang, “Did I ever tell you you’re my hero?”
Because apparently, he can hear me.
Healthy Choices
Waiter: “Anything to drink, ma’am?”
Me: “Hmm…I’m trying to watch my diet.”
Waiter: “Water? Iced tea?”
Me: “BLT bloody mary– but with TURKEY bacon, please.”
#thingsadultsdo
Sassy Pedicurist: Wrong.
Sassy Pedicurist: “You get eyebrow wax today?”
Me: “No. I don’t think I need one.”
Sassy: “Mmm hmmm. You wrong.”
It’s Only Fair
Dear Central Park bikers,
I’ll apologize for running in your lane when you apologize for your penis in those shorts.
Emily
Things I Notice on the Subway
Have you ever seen someone on the subway who’s so beautiful, it takes your breath away?
Me either. Those people take cabs.
Things Adults Do
May 5, 2014– the day I bought my groceries in a grocery store instead of CVS.
My Child Self Should be Smacked in the Face
Dear Child Self,
Stop being such a whiny little bitch about naptime. You’ll miss that shit when it’s gone.
Adult Self
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