I think I handled this with aplomb

Kid: “Miss Emily, can you please look at this for me?”

(This = the inside of his gums, where he had a huge, raging canker sore)

Me: “I’m looking. And I see. So I’m going to stop looking now.”
Kid: “Well it’s just that it hurts. Do you see anything?”
Me: “Yes. It appears you have a canker sore.”
Kid: “Will it kill me?”
Me: “What?! No. No it will not.”
Kid: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Yes. Canker sores are annoying and unpleasant, but they go away and they will certainly not kill you.”
Kid: “Is it like a cold sore? Because a cold sore can kill you.”
Me: “It’s different from a cold sore…but last time I checked, a cold sore will not kill you either.”
Kid: “Well that’s not true. You don’t always get them in your mouth…”
Me: “This conversation is over. Please get back to work.”

And then I stood up, went to the other side of the room, and hid behind the math center.

Because that’s what you do when a 9-year-old alludes to genital herpes.

You run away and hide behind a bin of protractors.



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