All posts by Emily

Let’s Be Clear

November 30, 2014Mental HealthEmily

January 11, 2013

Dear Winter,

I do prefer this warmish fog rain to the frozen vortex, but overall I think I’d prefer that you go fuck yourself.

Emily

Crafty Approach

November 30, 2014Kids/TeachingEmily

Perhaps work on a more subtle execution….
Student: “Miss Emily, you look so pretty today! Like you’re glowing!”
Me: “Aw thanks, kiddo!” (Opening my arms for a hug)
Student: “Also I didn’t do my homework.”

Upper East Side Problems

November 30, 2014Kids/Teachingupper east sideEmily

Me (to student not following directions): “Excuse me, sir– what’s going on over there?”
Student: “Sorry. I’m jet-lagged.”

Impromptu English Lessons

November 30, 2014Being Awkward/Dumb Stuff I Do, Kids/TeachingEmily

I’m sorry to the parent of that toddler who learned a new word today while witnessing me slip on black ice. I recognize (both in hindsight and from the look on your face) that yelling “I mean– fudge, fudge, fudge!” afterwards did not fix the problem. Good luck with that.

Kitchens Adults Keep

November 30, 2014Random Thoughts/HappeningsEmily

Got really excited about the snow day. Then realized that if nothing is open today, these are my meal options.

The Awkwardness Follows Me Wherever I Go, Even My Parent’s House

November 30, 2014Being Awkward/Dumb Stuff I DoEmily

December 27, 2013

As I’m leaving for my morning run, the (new) neighbor’s dog races over and jumps on me…
Neighbor: “I’m so sorry! He does this to your husband every morning!”
Me: “Oh my god. No. No. That’s my dad. Not my husband. Oh god. NO.”
Neighbor: “Oh. Oh god. Sorry. It’s always from a distance…”
Me: (horrified stare)
Neighbor: “He seems like a very nice man.”
Me: “Please stop saying things.”

Self-esteem Boosters

November 30, 2014Kids/TeachingEmily

During one of our (frequent) classroom karaoke sessions:
Student: “Miss Emily, you’re pretty good! You should take singing lessons– you have some real natural talent there!”
Me: “Aw thanks, Kiddo! That’s so sweet!”
Student: “Right but like I said– take lessons.”