Some things are so horrifying and devastating, there is simply nothing to say.
My heart is breaking with you, Paris.
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I love the Internet
I love the Internet because if I wake up with an earache, I don’t have to spend the time and money to see a doctor. I can figure out what’s wrong with me in literally 5 seconds and then move on with my day. Clap, clap, done!
I have ear cancer.
I love marathon training being in my 30s because I can go to bed at 9:30pm on Friday nights and not feel bad about it.
Yeah, around then.
Me: “Finish this sentence– Columbus sailed the ocean blue in the year of…”
Several kids, with confidence: “1982!”
Me: “1982?! That’s the year I was born!”
<silence>
Me:”You think Columbus landed in America the year I was born?!”
<blank stares>
Christ.
(Who, for the record, also existed before my time.)
Tuesday
They say it’s good luck to start your day by using a tampon box to smoosh and kill a huge fly againt your bathroom wall.
What? No one says that?
Well, fuck.
Today’s going to be rough.
Fuck You, Stern
Eric (in blue) in a heated fantasy football argument…
Yeah. I sure as shit will.
Well this really could have gone either way.
Eric’s mom discovered my blog.
(Eric taking his sweet time, fully knowing I’m having an anxiety attack).
Now show her Lubegate !
When your significant other is disgusting
Apparently, being in a relationship means you have to listen to your disgusting beast of a significant other hock a loogie into the bathroom sink at 7am and scream “I got it! The last of the phlegm!” and then, moments later still be expected to be attracted to that feral animal.
So I’m sorry, Eric.
I do feel better, though.
(Get excited for flu season)
Same Thing
“Does anyone know any Native Americans? They can come speak to the class!”
– my coteacher’s solution to the fact that there are no good field trip options for our Native American/Colonial Explorers unit.
Strict
Just ran into a student from last year…
Me: “Hey kiddo! How’s 5th grade?!”
Kid: “Good. But my teacher is VERY strict.”
Me: “Well, yeah, but you’re used to that– I was strict too!”
And then she literally laughed in my face. Hard.
And I let her.
Ok yeah I see what she’s saying.
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