Tag Archives: teacher problems

I Don’t Know How To Help You With That

Kids/Teaching, , ,
While walking the class down the stairs for dismissal, I hear a kid (who I assumed was a boy, as boys and girls at this age sound exactly the same) scream from a flight below me: 
 
Kid: “Miss Emily!!! Help! My balls are stuck to my instrument!” 

Words cannot express the amount of relief I felt when I saw what the kid actually needed help with.

The Truth Comes Out

Kids/Teaching, , ,

Guys, this is super awkward. How do I tell my co-teacher that this kid thinks I’m #1?

Maybe I just won’t tell her, and let her continue to think that HER same exact gift from this kid is the one that’s genuine.

But we all know what’s happening here. Similar to when homeless men tell me I’m beautiful, then say it to the person right behind me. No one should feel left out. But we all know who they’re REALLY talking to….

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I Totally Get It, Brian Williams

Kids/Teaching, , , ,

Everyone needs to lay off Brian Williams. Who DOESN’T lie at work?!

  • “This is the most interesting Colonial America expository I’ve ever read!” (not possible)
  • “I don’t understand why you think it’s so funny when I read the words ‘Moby Dick.'” (I do. I get it. You’re 9.)
  • “I’m not upset that you’re sick, I’m upset that you’re not covering your mouth when you cough.” (I’m VERY upset that you’re sick– GO HOME!)
  • “The Handwriting-Detective app on my iPhone will help me figure out who wrote ‘sex’ on this post it note, so I suggest you just confess.” (Handwriting app doesn’t exist, but I already know the culprit, as only one of you knows what sex is.)
  • “I respect your parents’ decision not to let you wear deodorant, and I don’t at all wish I could handcuff them to a table in this classroom on days we have gym first period.” (I make this plea to god every Thursday)
  • “This math lesson is going to be interesting AND fun!” (a quick two-lies-in-one)
  • “I missed you over the summer!” (I feel like you’re not even buying this one, so I’m not sure why I keep saying it)
  • “Everything we do in this classroom is important!” (It’s not. It’s just not. Composite vs. prime numbers? No. Who cares. You’re fine.)

Although I suppose one could argue that I, too, should be fired…

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