Today the kids are practicing using similes in poetry. 

Kid (writing a poem about fish): “Scaly like…hmmmm….Miss Emily, can you please help me?”

Me: “How about ‘scaly like an old lady’s hands’…”

Kid (looks at my hands): “But your hands aren’t scaly.”

Me: “I’m not an old lady!”

Kid: “Oh.”

Get the fuck out of my classroom.