Me (to Eric, once he arrives in the Outer Banks): “Thank god you’re here. I can’t figure out how to turn the TV off. It’s been on for 3 days, I’ve just been muting it at night. The ‘power’ button and ‘on’ button do nothing.”

Eric (glancing at remote for less than one second): “Please tell me you tried the ‘off’ button.”

Me: 

This is why I had to get married.