This L.A. meteorologist just referred to these Wrightwood, CA temps as “frigid” and issued a “freeze warning.”
No. Buy a fucking cardigan, Wrightwood. You’re fine.
Point NYC.
LA 5, NYC 7
All posts by Emily
Some Parents Have Lost Their Damn Minds
My friend Alex, dad of My First Guest Blogger, just turned to me and said the following:
“Emily, look! If you actually read [the baby’s] blog post, the first line actually says ‘Hi! You suck. I’m in LA!’ And at the bottom she gives her coordinates!”
As a reminder, the post said this:
Point NYC. Just because. No.
LA 5; NYC 6
Fun Things Single People Can Do In Their Spare Time
Try to shove your friend’s gorgeous wedding/engagement rings on your fat man-finger, then give up and transfer them to your pinky when it’s clear you’re going to break both your hand and the rings. And your will to live.
You know, if you’re looking for something to pass the time.
Ladies and Gentlemen, My First Guest Blogger!
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Always Be Honest With Your Dating App, Part 13
LA is Stupid
Here in LA, my friend Libby suggests a place for lunch.
Libby: “Look up the menu for Earth Cafe.”
Me (typing into my phone): “Ok, on it.”
Libby: “It’s spelled U-R-T-H”
Of COURSE it is.
Point NYC.
LA 5, NYC 5
My Favorite Camp
The people in my life are now divided into camps: Those who absolutely refuse to be blogged about (the minority) and those who are offended that I don’t blog about them more (the majority).
But my favorite camp consists of those who aren’t quite sure how they feel about it, as sometimes it’s funny and sometimes it’s humiliating, so they live in a constant state of fear that can only be quelled by an over-poured glass of Chardonnay.
I call that camp “Mom.”
Bad Start
“Yeah don’t go out with him. I feel like that’s a bad start.” — friend, hearing me cry “ewww!” while checking my dating app.
Nothing Funnier
There’s nothing funnier than when people awkwardly fall. I do it all the time. So when my friend’s baby just did it, I burst out laughing, because she looked like a total goof.
Then the kid started wailing, and both her parents sprung out of their chairs to comfort her.
I was still laughing.
It was really funny, guys.
She just like buckled and fell sideways. Out of nowhere.
She looked like a miniature demolished building.
Timber!!!
I guess you had to be there….
I can never have kids.
How I Know I’m the WORST
Someone should hit me. I deserve it.
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