Sassy Pedicurist: “You need eyebrow wax.”
Me: “I know. But I’m going to the beach for two weeks, I’ll just do it when I get back.”
Sassy: “You still need nice eyebrow at the beach.”
Me: “No I don’t. I’ll just be with family.”
Sassy: “Family still need to look at your face.”
All posts by Emily
A Favor
At 16 Handles, the person before me in line takes the last of the Eurotart, which I had planned to mix with the Chocolate Brownie already in my cup.
Person: “Oops sorry!”
Me: “Aw that’s ok, it happens!”
Person: “Look at it this way– I probably did you a favor. Your cup is already pretty full!”
Me: (laughing) “I suppose you’re right! Good point!”
Go fuck yourself.
We’ll Miss You, Robin
August 11, 2014
If only putting a smile on COULD fix things, Robin Williams would still be with us. Unfortunately, illness doesn’t work that way– and mental illness is no exception. Another beautiful, brilliant life lost to the relentless demons of depression, an inexplicably painful and very REAL disease. Rest in peace, Robin Williams. May your memory be a blessing
Sharing is Caring
Kid next to me on the plane eyes my Starburst pack.
Kid (to me): “Can I have some?”
Kid’s Mom: “Honey, no. You can’t just ask people to share their food with you!”
Me: “Aw no, it’s totally fine! I’m happy to share!” (Handing him a yellow one) “Here ya go!”
Kid: “I only like the red and pink ones.”
Me: (laughing) “That’s so funny– me too! Here, have one of each!”
You greedy little bastard.
Say It One More Time, Slowly
Thank you, passenger sitting next to me on the plane, for sensing my confusion regarding the touch-screen tv, taking the time to explicitly show me how to use it , and only getting mildly annoyed with me when I STILL didn’t understand.
You are one smart 6-year-old.
Forget Paul Rudd
Jew crush of the week is THIS guy.
Eurotrip
Trying to plan a last minute trip to Europe has made me starkly aware of the fact that I don’t actually know where Europe is.
Hmmm
July 22, 2014
Someone just asked me how often I think about my students in the summer, and that marked the first time I’ve thought about them.
Heartfelt Breakup Advice
Ladies, we’ve all had our hearts broken at some point, and in those moments I’ve found that the most helpful, mature thing I can do for myself is appreciate what went right, think deeply about what went wrong, learn from the past, and use those lessons to form healthy, loving relationships in the future.
Then I go on Instagram and confirm that I’m prettier than the girl he’s now dating.
Making Tough Choices
I’m going to make this decision the way I make all big decisions which is to flip a coin and then do what the coin says, as long as the coin says the thing I want to do.
