“I just can’t keep my legs closed.”

Context unnecessary. 

Kid (referring to Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell in “Hook”): “She’s so tiny in this movie!”

Me: “Yeah, well. She lost a lot of weight to get the role.”

Kid: “Really?!”

Me: “No.”

Kid: “Oh.”

There’s not much more I can do for you, kid. 

That moment when you’re so sweaty post-morning-run in Starbucks that the homeless man camped out by the bathroom is judging you. 

(Continuation of Ebola Mom Part 39 and part of the Ebola Mom series) 

Me: “Sorry I didn’t get to see you last week.”

Kid: “It’s ok. I would have been crying the whole time you were here anyway.”

Me: “Oh no! Why?”

Kid: “Because my mom told me that if I still had lice after the second shampoo, she’d shave my head.”

I’ll be honest– I’m with Mom on this one. 

(Part of the June series) 

Kid: “Why do we have to learn this?”

Me: “You don’t.”

#june

(Part of the #june series)

Kid: “Why do we have to learn this?” 

Me: (no answer. Can’t hear through my headphones.) 

#june

(Part of the #june series)

Kid: “Why do we have to learn this?”

Me: “I legitimately do not know.”

#june

Guys, I need advice— how do you tell a guy you’ve grown to really like and care about that he’s gained some weight?  I know that sounds harsh, but I feel like he has no idea. He eats/drinks a TON (at lightening speed) and I’ve never ONCE seen him work out.  No cardio, no weightlifting, nothing. I want to tell him my concerns, but delicately, and in a way he’ll understand.

Keep in mind he’s 5 months old.

So use visuals, right?

#uptownchunk #moretolove #goodGODhesadorable #aunthood