Yeah. I don’t cook.

Eric is cooking me breakfast in my kitchen while I lay sick on the couch…

Eric (yelling from the kitchen): “Hey, do you have pepper?”
Me: “No…”
Eric: “Salt?”
Me: “Maybe some packets? In the fridge.”
Eric: “Right. Because that’s where salt is kept. Ok…a pan?”
Me: “Ummm…check the cabinet. I think there’s an orange one?”
Eric: “Nope. There is not. Garlic?”
Me: (hysterical laughter)
Eric: “Yeah that was an insane request. A sponge?”
Me:  “Why?”
Eric: “To clean the pan.”
Me: “Just let it soak.”
Eric: “But I have to use it again. Right now.”
Me: “Oh. Sorry. No.”

I will never again be cooked for.

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