Tag Archives: cooking

Survival Skills

Watching “The Murder of Laci Peterson” on A&E…

Me: “See, the husband definitely killed her. You don’t refer to a loved one in the past tense if they’re just ‘missing.’ Like if I went missing for a month, you’d still talk about me as if I were alive– you’d have hope.”

Eric: “If you went missing for 24 hours I would KNOW you are dead.”

Me: “You’d assume after just ONE day that I’d been murdered!?”

Eric: “Oh, no one would murder you. You’d just be wandering around, unable to figure out what to do for dinner, and starve.”

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Celebrating Independence with Dependence

Eric surprised me with a 4th of July themed breakfast in bed (dairy-free acai bowl with grain-free granola, chia seeds, almonds and strawberries. #paleolife), while I slept for 13 hours straight and woke up feeling too lazy and unmotivated to pour myself a coffee. Thank you for this freedom, forefathers!

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Me: “But…where’s the blue?”

Eric: “Blueberries were six bucks. You don’t get any. Eat your breakfast.”

Happy 4th, everyone!

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I Don’t Know How to Do the Thing You’re Saying

Partly inspired by a scale that told him he gained 9 pounds in the past week, and partly due to my constant complaints of feeling fat, Eric convinced me to try a “Paleo Restart” 30-day program with him.

Even though he discovered this morning that the scale was wrong (um, obviously. 9 pounds in one week? #science), and despite the fact that I didn’t actually want to DO anything about feeling fat, I just wanted him to respond “That’s crazy, you’re not fat! It’s fine to eat that 9th Hershey Nugget!” (um, obviously. #science) he’s still super into the program. Plus, we already paid the $35 for it. So fine.

I went to sleep last night totally on board to start this weekend, but then this morning had a horrifying realization.

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Oh, yeah. Why didn’t I think of that?

PROBABLY BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE EGG SALAD, MUCH LESS MAKE THE FUCKING MAYO FOR EGG SALAD.

No.

I’m out.

 

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