“I think maybe a leotard, Moana’s necklace, and a Burger King crown on your head.”
— Kid, age 6, when I asked him what I should wear on my wedding day.
Tag Archives: wedding dress
Perfectly Normal, Appropriate, and Classy Statement to go on a Wedding Website
Most people just write 2 or 3 words, like “Cocktail Attire” or “Black Tie Optional,” but I thought I’d do us all a favor and leave no room for questions or confusion.
She’s Still Talking
(Continuation of I’m sorry– who are you? )
Cleaning lady: “On your wedding day you are going to look like a princess. I can see it now. Just like a princess in the Disney movies, with the big hair and the big dress and the long, long veil. Everything big and sparkling like a princess.”
Literally the worst thing you could say to me.
I’m Sorry– Who are you?
Cleaning lady (seeing my wedding dress hanging over the door, just as Eric leaves to go to the gym): “Are you two newlyweds?”
Me: “No, not yet! Engaged. We’re getting married in June.”
Cleaning lady: “Congratulations! It’s good that you live together first.”
Me: “Yeah we’ve been living together since April.”
Cleaning lady: “Of LAST year?”
Me: “April 2016. So for about 7 months.”
Cleaning lady: “And you’re sure that you want to marry him?”
Me (laughing): “Yes!”
Cleaning lady: “You must be very sure.”
Me: “I am sure!”
Cleaning lady: “April is not that long.”
What is happening right now.
Like all Brides
The problem with my wedding dress hanging on a door in our compact apartment for the next few months is that given Eric’s newfound meat-dehydrating hobby, there is a 99% chance the dress, and therefore I, will smell like beef jerky on our wedding day.
“I would only love you more.” — Eric
Nothing More Annoying
In terms of wedding dress shopping (or life in general), there is pretty much nothing more annoying than when your mother disapproves of the choice you’ve made, and insists you explore other options because you just “never know.” Excuse me, but I am an adult, and I do know. I am perfectly capable of making this decision on my own. But fine, you came in to NYC, so I will humor you and go to ONE MORE PLACE and try on that dress that I would NEVER have thought to pick for myself, just so you can have the satisfaction of knowing I DID give your ridiculous opinions a shred of consideration.
Which leads us to the ONE thing in the world which is even MORE annoying than when your mother doesn’t trust your judgement–
When your mother is right.*
Bought the dress right on the spot.
About 398459238490 times better than the one I picked.
Thanks, Mom.
*I reserve the right to deny this post during future arguments.
Here’s What I Took Away From That Story
Kid: “Did you get a wedding dress yet?”
Me: “No, not yet. So many choices! It’s hard to decide on one.”
Kid: “You should do what my mom did. She had four different dresses. She had one for the pictures before the wedding, then she walked down the aisle in another one, like a big princess dress, and then she did the party in a different, shorter dress so she could dance and then she had an even SHORTER one for the party AFTER the wedding. She got them all at Vera Wang.”
Yeah your family needs to pay me more.
