Tag Archives: clothing

This Isn’t Even Embarrassing It’s Just My Life

As I’m leaving an hour-long tutoring session…

Kid (to her mom): “Mom, you always say I have to take those off (points to nape of my neck) but Miss Emily didn’t!!”

Me (confused): “Wait, what?”

Parent: “Something tells me Miss Emily did not know it was there. And I was going to try to let her leave without embarrassing her, but I guess that’s not happening now.” (opens drawer, grabs scissors, cuts this off my sweater and hands it to me):




Quit While You’re Ahead

Me, to Eric, after a friend commented that my loose “sack” dresses (the only thing I wear in summer) make me look like a grandma: “Does it bother you that I dress comfortably and not sexy?”

Eric: “Babe, are you kidding? Of course not. Wear whatever you want.”

Me: “Awww, that’s sweet. You’re the best.”

Eric: “Yeah. You think I even notice what you wear? I’ve never noticed once.”

Nope stop talking.


Maybe Start Celebrating It

A mom and her small child get into the elevator with me…

Me (to child): “Ooooh! And what are YOU dressed up as for Halloween? Whatever it is, you look awesome!”
Child: <blank, confused stare>
Mom: “Oh she has no idea it’s Halloween. We don’t celebrate it. This is just what she decided to wear today.”


Well then she looks ABSURD.



I’m Not

I tried a new nail salon that just opened up on my block, so the lovely owner gave me the hard sell (in slightly broken English)….

Owner: “We give you 20% off today. And you tell your friends about us? I see you live in neighborhood!”

Me: “I do! But how can you tell?”

Owner: “You carry the Starbuck drink and you wear the clothes for going to gym.”

Me: “Ha! You’re right! I am heading to the gym!”

I’m not. These are my regular clothes.


How Embarrassing for THAT Person

Just ran into my Super outside the compactor room, which is next to the laundry room.

Super: “Emily, you did laundry yesterday, yes?”

Me: “Yes!”

Super: “There were some things left in one of the dryers. I put them on the counter in there, you might want to check if they’re yours.”

Me: “Oh, ok, great! Thank you! They probably ARE mine, that sounds like something I would do.”

I enter the laundry room, and sitting on the counter is a SUPER tiny black lace thong and a pair of ridiculously worn-out cotton underwear that clearly should have been thrown away years ago.

Me (yelling): “Oh my gosh– no, no, no! These are definitely NOT mine!”

Super (laughing): “Oh, ok.”

Me: “I swear! I can be forgetful, but I’d never leave items like THAT lying around!”

Super: “Ok. Somebody else then!”

Me: “How embarrassing for THAT person!”

They are 100% mine.