Our annual 2-week Outer Banks vacation (the one Eric and I missed last year due to the minor inconvenience of birthing a human) begins tomorrow, and so on Thursday, out of NOWHERE, Mom decided to inform us of a new vacation policy, which I think we can all agree was definitely deserving of the eye-catching, panic-inducing headline below.
Cool idea– I mean, we’re all down for reducing waste and making Mom feel better about her trip to Cambodia.
But unfortunately, Zack took a different approach to the huge grocery shop we do once we get down there, and decided to think ahead this year:
Bummer. (Also hilarious).
But Mom, steadfast in her desire to save the planet one luxury beach vacation at a time, did not let this hiccup deter her.
Zack, who spent his childhood tending to a trunk full of worm composting in our basement, was in no mood for a lecture.
Regardless, he was down.
But he also wanted to be realistic about the fact that our desire to go green might directly conflict with our desire to not gag on what is essentially tepid toilet water.
Mom would not be deterred.
We thought the issue had been put to rest, but then Jeremy chimed in with his thoughts. And by “chimed” I mean he went on a Ranty McRant diatribe that he might as well submit for his PhD thesis. Pretty sure he wore a monocle while typing it.
Yeah, I know.
Dad then expressed exactly how he felt about the entire situation and basically let us know that we can all go fuck ourselves:
Eons later, when we had all completely moved on with our lives, Steph found time to respond.
Her only concern was that her nanny be provided with her own tumbler.
But what was super exciting about Steph’s response was that, for the first time in her life, she had used an exclamation point.
Sadly, as you can see, it was a mistake. But least now we can rest assured that she knows where the ! key is located, should there ever be an emotive emergency.
Dad then took Steph’s query as an opportunity to remind us again how cool he is, in case we forgot:
Ok, Dad. We get it.
Mom remained undeterred. Hell or high (tap) water, this woman was getting us green.
So there you have it.
Meanwhile, on the sibling text chain: