That moment when your classroom paraprofessional walks in and hands you this:
Guess my PMS isn’t as subtle as I thought.
Category Archives: Being Awkward/Dumb Stuff I Do
You Won’t Even Know I’m There
That moment when you invite yourself on someone’s family vacation, because what they’re doing sounds pretty fun. And hey, you’re free all summer!
Conversations Everyone Wants to Have During a Goodnight Kiss
Guy: “Do you have gum in your mouth AGAIN?”
Me: “Oh. Yeah. I’m an after-dinner gum chewer. Force of habit.”
Guy: “Well would you mind spitting it out?”
Me: “Sure. Sorry. Is it distracting?”
Guy: “No. It’s disgusting.”
Oh.
I’m just going to be Anna today.
That moment when you tell the barista your name is Anna, because you’re so embarrassed by how much you’re sweating post-run, you decide you need an alias.
I’m Nothing If Not Cultured
That moment when the waiter at one of your favorite restaurants, Beyoglu, tells you that in the name of the restaurant, which you’ve been very carefully pronouncing for years in your best mediterranean accent, the g is silent.
Oh.
So not Bay-oh-GLOO, strong emphasis on the GLOO?
Got it.
Social Media Problems
The boom of social media has made it really difficult for me to wear the same exact outfit every day.
Regardless, doin’ it.
#allyouneedisonesummerdress
What Straight Guys Do
Walking down the street, the guy next to me and I happen to awkwardly be keeping the same exact pace for almost a block.
Guy: “Hi there! We might as well interact if we’re going to stroll next to each other.”
Me: (laughing) “Guess so!”
Guy: “Wow– you have really pretty eyes.”
Me: (blushing) “Aw, thank you…”
Guy: “Don’t worry, I’m gay.”
Me: “Oh! I wasn’t worried…”
Guy: “Well, you know how straight guys are always pulling that shit…”
No. I don’t.
Straight guys don’t just randomly tell me I have pretty eyes. That would be lovely.
What straight guys do is compare me to their mother or ask me to sit on their face.
Running Hacks
The key to feeling good about your running pace is to find someone much slower than you, and constantly stay a few steps ahead of them.
So thank you, pigeon with injured limb. I feel better now.
(P.S. Are you this pigeon? Did I do that to you? Wow, this has really come full circle.)
PMS
I’ve been told I’m dramatic when I have PMS. Not sure I believed that until my sister just sent me this photo, taken at the end of our family beach vacation this summer. She started a grocery list and told us to add anything we needed. My requests are at the bottom in black ink.
The NYC Effect, Part 2
(Related to The NYC Effect)
Last night I had a dream that my whole apartment caught fire. I woke up this morning to my smoke detector beeping low battery.
The former, Maryland-born me: “Wow, I’m so lucky! That beeping went off during my sleep and caused a dream about fire as a warning that I could be in danger, so I should change the battery ASAP. I’ll do that first thing today. Thanks for looking out for me, Universe!”
Me after 2 years in NYC: “Well that was annoying. Guess I should change the battery, though.”
Me after 5 years in NYC: “I am going to smash that thing in with a baseball bat so that it never fucks with my sleep again.”
Me this morning: <actual maniacal smashing of smoke detector, followed by spitting on it>
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