That moment when you’re 100% certain this 10 year old boy is flirting with you.
And you’re so uncomfortable.
But also, why is he so much smoother than most grown men I’ve met in NYC?
Wait, no. His fly is unzipped.
And his voice just cracked.
Eh. Still smoother.
(Continuation of June 1st )
Kid: “Why do we have to learn this?”
Me: “Because someone’s paying me– albeit, pennies. You hear me? Pennies!– to teach it to you. PENNIES, kid!”
#june
There is a staff photo wall in our school, with pictures of staff members partaking in activities they enjoy. My photo is an action shot from the NYC half marathon I ran.
Kid: “Ms. Emily, you look different in that picture on the wall downstairs.”
Me: “I know, I look super tough and athletic right?”
Kid: “No. Just younger.”
Then I ripped up the paper he was working on and flunked him.
That moment when your FOURTH GRADE student has an accident of the #2 variety in his pants just as the assistant principal comes to observe your teaching.
Can’t make this shit up.
Literally.
On my prep, I overhear two 5th graders in the hallway:
Kid 1: “What time is it?”
Kid 2: “8:62”
Seriously– how do you still not understand the fundamental concepts of time?!? Shame on your 1st grade teacher.
Oh wait. That was me.
In fact, I was also your 3rd grade teacher.
Let’s never speak of this again.
That moment during the superintendent’s visit when your student projectile vomits in the hallway.
No, I didn’t pay him to do that.
But it was fucking perfect.
That super liberating moment when you realize you don’t care at ALL about today’s visit from the superintendent. Lady, you do NOT know me, you do NOT know my kids, and you do NOT know my school. So if you take a 10 minute snapshot of my classroom and decide you don’t like what you see, I don’t want to work for you anyway.
Please don’t fire me though. I really want to travel this summer.
#summer #thegoldenhandcuffsoftheDOE
While tutoring…
Me: “So the problem says there are 3 horses with 7 spots on each horse, then asks how many spots there are in all. So first, let’s draw the horses.” (I start drawing)
Kid: (laughing hysterically) “Those aren’t horses, they’re just blobs!”
Me: “Yes, I know honey. I’m not actually drawing horses, I’m just drawing circles to represent the horses. Because when you’re problem solving in math, you want to focus on the numbers, not on drawing pretty pictures.”
Kid: “Oh, ok. That makes sense.”
I was definitely trying to draw horses.
That moment when you send a sick kid (one of many) to the nurse, and an hour later the nurse calls to say that that kid was rushed to the hospital, and that “there is something very wrong happening in your classroom.”
She then uses her extensive medical training/expertise to conjure up the solution of giving everyone in the room a dab of hand sanitizer.
We’re all going to die.
The bad news is that today the kids have gym first period, so they will smell like dead rats.
The good news is that it will mask the smell of what I’m pretty sure is an ACTUAL dead rat.
And the public school universe calibrates.
Emily's Posts 