That Went Downhill Fast

Kid: “How come you never wear your hair down?”
Me (tired of getting this question from kids, and deciding to just be honest): “Because I am a very sweaty person, and it’s hot out, and if my hair is down, I feel even hotter and sweatier.”
Kid: “But you didn’t wear it down in winter either.”
Me: “Right, well. Like I said. I’m a very sweaty person.”
Kid: “Even if it’s not hot?”
Me: “Yes.”
Kid: “That makes no sense. You can’t sweat if you’re not hot.”
Me: “Not true. There is a feeling you can have, and it makes you sweat even if the temperature isn’t hot. It’s called anxiety.”
Kid: “I’ve heard of that. It’s when you have panic like there’s an emergency, but there’s not an emergency. The emergency is only in your head.”
Me: “That’s actually a beautiful, astoundingly mature explanation.”
Kid: “Thanks.”
Kid: “Oh, I know! It’s like having to poop real bad and thinking there’s no toilet, but there really IS a toilet, you just don’t see it because a big tree or, like, something, is blocking it, but if you could just, like, turn your head or chop down the tree you’ll see the toilet and it’ll be fine. You really can poop after all! Like, not in your pants or anything!”

Yeah maybe quit while you’re ahead.


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