Category Archives: Relationships
Let the Polite Lies Commence
Eric: “I feel like I’ve really cramped up your apartment. Is it making you anxious?”
Me: “What?! No, babe…”
Phish Girlfriend
Yes, I enjoyed my first two phish concerts. But let’s rein it in.
A Jewish Girl Lives Here
I saw this in my bathroom the day Eric moved in and thought, with an eyeroll, “Well, it’s official. A boy lives here now.”
Then I realized it’s mine.
I left it at his place a while ago.
Guess he brought it back for me.
Thanks, babe!
“Your face.”
— Eric, when asked “if we were in a situation where you had to resort to cannibalism, which part of my body would you eat first?”
And So it Begins
“Hey! <poking me repeatedly in the shoulder> Heyyyyyyy. HEY! I’m bored.”
— Eric, 4 minutes after officially moving into my (our?) studio apartment.
This is gonna be great.
Move-In Day!
Eric: “You realize I’m pretty much fully moving in tomorrow, right?”
99% of me: “I know, I’m so excited!”
1% of me:
This is why group text shouldn’t exist
For reasons I can’t fathom, as I am never actually involved in the conversation, I am on a group text with Eric and my brother in law Andrew.
This is the kind of shit I wake up to.
I couldn’t remember if I put on deodorant so I needed some reassurance…
Me: “Do I smell?”
Eric: “Currently no.”
In Honor of National Women’s Day, A Woman Winning
Eric got us both FitBits and immediately challenged me to a “who takes more steps in a week” contest. Which, to be honest, is just insane, as 1) I run marathons and 2) I’m on my feet with children all day.
But he INSISTED he’d still out-step me, which made no logical sense, unless the theory “Boys are good at all the things!!!” makes sense to you. (No, he didn’t say that. But it was there on his smug face). So I have spent the entire week ensuring that I will beat him– running unnecessary runs, finishing every errand that’s been on my my to-do list for months, mindlessly walking in circles in my kitchen, pacing for 25 minutes in my therapist’s waiting room (which didn’t at all make the other patients anxious, I’m sure of it. They would have been clutching that Xanax regardless.)
But it’s all been worth it because I have been kicking his ass, and have so thoroughly enjoyed rubbing it in his face all week.
Ok, well. This isn’t fun anymore.
I quit.
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