Tag Archives: ex boyfriends

Finally! I’m In “That Place”

I just went running in the park and saw my ex boyfriend. He was with a girl who I can only assume is his new girlfriend, as they looked flirty and happy. And maybe it was the endorphins or maybe it’s just that I’m in a better, more mature, secure place in my life, but as I watched them I couldn’t help but think “You know what? That’s great.”

Because he totally got fat.

#dodgedthatbullet

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I Once Dated a Guy Who Called His Mom “Mommy”

End of story. Well, not END of story, but not the beginning of a story that is going anywhere good.

Sorry, guys. I’ve been sick and fairly isolated for over a week now and this is the shit that goes through my head when I try to force myself to rest.

Which is why I try not to rest too much.

Which might be why I’m always sick.

Whatever, at least I’m not whining about it to my MOMMY.

Anyway, the point of all this is…

Do you think that guy’s still single?

Any guy who loves his mom that much would definitely make me some chicken noodle soup.

Ok, sorry, that was absurd.

Matzoh ball soup.

Healthy Perspective I Gain From Watching “Sex And The City”

Watching a Sex And The City marathon and seeing Big treat Carrie like complete dog shit episode after episode, but knowing they end up living happily ever after, is giving me a really healthy and hopeful outlook on my love life.

I am now certain that that ex who could never quite verbalize his feelings for me will totally come around. Even though he told me, early and often, he was not in a “relationship place.” And he now lives across the country. And is married. With kids.

I can totally stop dating now, guys! It’s all happening!

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Chapstache

Sitting here blowing my nose over and over, I can feel the beginnings of a chapstache– you know, when the entire area between your nose and mouth becomes raw and chafed? And this reminds me of a really bad stretch I had, years ago, when I was constantly sick and the chapstache literally lasted three seasons. I was in a relationship at the time, and each night when my boyfriend and I got into bed, in an attempt to heal myself in the sleeping hours, I would dig my entire hand into a huge vat of vaseline and smother it all over my face, making sure to cover all surrounding areas, most importantly my nostrils and chin.

I still can’t figure out why we broke up.

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