Tag Archives: kids

These Kids Are As Excited About Tina Fey as I Am About Everything They Say Ever

Kids/Teaching, , , ,

The student council annouced that tomorrow’s theme is “Dress as your favorite character,” so I excitedly announced to all the kids that I am going to be Liz Lemon. 

Take the blankest stare you can imagine. Like a serious dead-behind-the-eyes, couldn’t-care-less, wtf-are-you-talking-about stare. I was met with 28 of those. 

Whatever, I’m not NOT going to wear the “TGS Staff” sweatshirt I ordered from the NBC store 5 years ago in hopes that this day would one day come. So you better do your homework* tonight, kids. 

*”homework” = watch 30 Rock. Literally don’t care if you read or do math. 

  

A Lesson in Boredom

Kids/Teaching, ,

While prepping for the state test….

Kid: “Why do the reading passages always have to be so boring?”

Me: “Well, kid– in life, there are always going to be things you have to do that you will find boring. Even as an adult. So just plug through and then balance the boring things with things that excite you.”

Kid: “Even as an ADULT things are this boring?!”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “Like what? What do you have to do as an adult that is THIS boring?”

Have this conversation. 

Ebola Mom, Part 19

Kids/Teaching, , , , , , ,

(Continuation of Ebola Mom Part 18, and part of the Ebola Mom series)

Three things, Nanc:

1. I’m going to go ahead and NOT accept your apology.

2. Why would you admit that? WHY?! There is no logical reason to admit that. Would you like ME to admit that I think you’re an assclown? No. That benefits no one. So I’ll keep that information between me and the Internet, where it belongs.

3. Your nanny has been framing me since day one.

I hope this isn’t what everyone thinks…

Kids/Teaching, ,
Kid: “Can I tell you something funny?” 
Me: “You can tell me something. I’m very interested to see if it’ll ACTUALLY be funny.” (It never is). 
Kid: “Oh, it is. Trust me.” (I don’t) 
Me: “Ok, go for it.”
Kid: “So you know how on Star Trek, the whole idea is that they are looking for other species?”
Me: “Yes…” (No. And losing the minuscule amount of faith I had that this would be funny).
Kid: “Well, ok, so, they keep all the information in this GIANT database. And it’s basically like what google is today…”
Me: “Right…”
Kid: “Oh. Ok. I guess you didn’t think it’s funny.”
Me: “Wait you’re DONE?”
Kid: “Yeah.”
Me: “I did not realize the story was over and that the thing that was supposed to be funny was already said.”
Kid: “Man, I was SURE you’d find that funny.”
Me: “But…but…WHY?”
Kid: “I’ve studied your humor for 3 years. I know it very very very well.”

Well this is a problem.