(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Ummm. I never picked them up.
The nanny totally ate my cookies.
Tag Archives: teaching
My Friend Totally Sells Motherhood
Yeah. Sounds great.
😳
April Fools Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means
While tutoring…
Me: “Ok, so let’s look at the homework I gave you last week.”
Kid: “I didn’t do the homework.” (then, before I even have time to react) “April Fools!”
Me: “Very cute. You got me!”
Kid: (cracking up at herself. Literally slapping knee.)
Me: “Ok…so…the homework?”
Kid: “I didn’t do it…”
Me: “You already played this April Fools joke. Remember? Three seconds ago?”
Kid: “Yeah but this time I’m not joking.”
Me: “Ok…so the first time you weren’t joking either…because you actually didn’t do the homework….”
Kid: “Yeah, but I still tricked you.”
Oh god. No amount of tutoring can help you.
Ebola Mom, Part 21
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Oh, Nanc. How I admire your unique ability to not be nice while doing something nice.
For so many reasons….No.
Ebola Mom, Part 20
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Only Ebola Mom could manage to turn birthday sentiments into an accusation.
Umm…I’m sorry?
Thank You, Robert DurstÂ
For providing me with a concrete response when my students ask why spelling is important.
“Because when you don’t spell correctly, you go to JAIL, kids!!!!!!!!!”
Ok. We Get It, Kid.Â
Kid (finishing math practice test): “I think I got everything right.”
Me: “Well, you must have GREAT teachers!”
Kid: “Yeah.”
Me: (going to give him a high five)
Kid: “At my Japanese school.”
Birthday Reassurances From a Kid
Kid: “It’s your birthday on Monday?!”
Me: “Yup!”
Kid: “How old will you be?”
Me (wide-eyed and dramatic): “Thirty THREE. Old, right?”
Kid: “No way, that’s not old at all! You’ve got a long life ahead!”
Me: “Aw, thanks kiddo!”
Kid: “Yeah my grandma didn’t die til she was like 52.”
True Things You Should Keep To YourselfÂ
Me (to kids): “Let’s look at last night’s decimal homework. I know we didn’t really have time to do decimals in class yesterday…”
Kid (interrupting): “Yeah but I already know them.”
Me: “Ok, great.”
Kid: “Because I’m Japanese.”
These Kids Are As Excited About Tina Fey as I Am About Everything They Say Ever
The student council annouced that tomorrow’s theme is “Dress as your favorite character,” so I excitedly announced to all the kids that I am going to be Liz Lemon.
Take the blankest stare you can imagine. Like a serious dead-behind-the-eyes, couldn’t-care-less, wtf-are-you-talking-about stare. I was met with 28 of those.
Whatever, I’m not NOT going to wear the “TGS Staff” sweatshirt I ordered from the NBC store 5 years ago in hopes that this day would one day come. So you better do your homework* tonight, kids.
*”homework” = watch 30 Rock. Literally don’t care if you read or do math.
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