Tag Archives: birthdays

Well That Changes Everything

The nanny of a kid I barely know in Nora’s music class approaches me.

Nanny: “Hi Nora’s Mom! Spencer is having a birthday party next Thursday at Gymboree. It’s in the afternoon. Can Nora come?”

Me: “Oh– yes, that’s perfect! Nora’s with her nanny in the afternoons, and they’re always looking to meet new people, so that will work out great!  I’ll give my nanny the information and I know she’ll be more than happy to bring Nora to the party.”

Nanny: “Great, I’m so glad Nora can come!”

Me: “Of COURSE! She looooooooves parties! Thanks so much for including her!”

Nanny (looking at phone calendar): “Oh wait sorry, I mixed up the time– the party is not in the afternoon, it’s in the morning. So YOU can bring Nora.”

Absofuckinglutely not.


The Husbands Had ONE Job

We threw Mom a surprise birthday party here in the Outer Banks. I took care of designing/ordering the t-shirts and wine glasses and creating/hosting a “Who Knows Mom Best” trivia game. 

The one job I delegated was to buy a grocery store sheet cake. I told Andrew and Eric before they left– a sheet cake FROM THE GROCERY STORE. You know, the shitty kind with the plastic top over it. It’s old school and totally artificial and mom loves it because it reminds her of childhood. 

Also please note how helpful Steph was during this exchange. 

We Fucking Love Cobb Salads

The text below refers to the following voicemail (to listen, hit play on the black audio bar) I left for my brother Jeremy on his birthday. I think it is a pitch-perfect, stunning example of why I don’t– and never should– make voice calls.


You’re HERE!

As I’m rifling through my work bag looking for a pencil during my tutoring session, the kid spots my pile of student-made birthday cards.

Kid: “Wait a minute– is it your birthday?!”

Me: “Yes it is!”

Kid (adorably overexcited): “Oh my gosh!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

Me: “Thank you!”

Kid: “I can’t believe it’s your birthday and you’re HERE. In MY apartment! Tutoring ME!”

Yeah I guess that is pretty sad.