I wear this shirt to school all the time, so the kids are well aware that I know “The Vintage Twin” owners (who are, in fact, twins).
Kid: “But what does vintage mean?”
Me: “It means old. But valuable.”
Kid: “So the twins are old people?”
Me (laughing): “They’re 24!”
Kid (wide eyed): “Yikes– that IS old!”
And then I cried into my emoji sweatshirt.
We asked the kids to choose a song and interpret its meaning.
“This song is about friendship.”– boy, age 9
I made the mistake of letting the chatty lady next to me on this 5-hour bus ride, sitting with her son (who was sleeping at the time), know that I’m a teacher. Since then, her son has woken up and proved himself to be the WORST. He seems to have mistaken this charter bus for a Broadway stage, and himself for Nathan Lane in The Birdcage. But louder and more dramatic.
The mom, inexplicably, is amused by this, despite the fact that everyone else on the bus is undoubtedly plotting the child’s murder. Or her murder. Or mass murder. The guy across from me has turned up the volume on his iPod full blast. The woman next to him appears to be praying to Allah. The man in front of me seems to have just given up on enjoying this ride, and possibly on life entirely.
The mom smiles at me. “You’re a teacher. You must love kids.”
Me: “Sure do.”
From 8-3pm. On a work day. When they are under MY control.
Your song-screaming child, in this moment, is, make no mistake, my worst nightmare. Never again will I be able to enjoy Beauty and the Beast. Or music in general. All sounds, really.
So, no, kid. I will NOT be your guest. Do you hear me? Neither will that guy, or that lady, or that old man. NO ONE HERE WANTS TO BE YOUR GUEST.
You may also NOT have one of my skittles. So don’t ask again.
We had students choose someone special and write that person a love cinquain poem. Two boys got right down to work….
Kid 1: “So who are you writing your valentine poem for?”
Kid 2: “Sarah.”
Kid 1: “Who’s Sarah?”
Kid 2: “Well, there are actually two Sarahs. One is my cousin, another is this girl I know from camp. Not sure yet which one I’m giving it to.”
Kid 1 (gravely serious): “Dude– you should definitely give it to your cousin. Giving a love poem to someone who’s not in your family would be REALLY weird.”
And so it begins. Two young boys who understand nothing about love, soon to be grown men who understand nothing about love.
Guys, this is super awkward. How do I tell my co-teacher that this kid thinks I’m #1?
Maybe I just won’t tell her, and let her continue to think that HER same exact gift from this kid is the one that’s genuine.
But we all know what’s happening here. Similar to when homeless men tell me I’m beautiful, then say it to the person right behind me. No one should feel left out. But we all know who they’re REALLY talking to….
Let the one-armed, ass-out hugs from 4th grade boys commence!
Kid: “My dad just had a birthday.”
Me: “Oh yeah? Did you get him a nice gift?”
Kid: “Sure did. A Rolex.”
Me: “Wow. That IS a nice gift. How were you able to afford a Rolex? Because I would LOVE to be able to afford a Rolex.”
Kid: “It didn’t cost a thing.”
Me: “I’m confused.”
Kid: “I drew an X on a baseball. Then I rolled it to him.”
Me: (head in hands)
Kid: “I can get you one too if you want.”
Me: “I do not want one.”
Kid: “But you said you wanted a Rolex!”
Me: “Kid, listen to me and listen well– I do NOT want a baseball with an X on it. Do you understand?”
Kid: “Got it.”
Me: “Great.”
Kid (to his friend, as I walk away): “I’m SO going to give her a tennis ball with an X on it.”
Kid: “So I have a question.”
Me: “Shoot.”
Kid: “Does, like, EVERY kiss really begin with Kay?”
Me: “Absolutely not.”
Kid: “Ok good. It seems like that would get expensive.”
For homework, we asked the kids to interpret the lyrics to “Wind Beneath My Wings.”
Kid 1 took it to a whole new level and decided to download and watch the movie “Beaches” in order to get more context. He then explained the lyrics of the song in terms of “Whitney and Bette’s friendship,” hypothesizing that “Whitney didn’t care to be famous, she just wanted to help Bette be a star and be there for her as a friend– in other words, be her strength, like the song says.” Naturally, I got teary-eyed reading this essay because seriously what IS it about that movie?! (Side note: sorry to that kid’s parents for introducing him to a movie with themes of early death and infidelity. I hope he’s not as scarred as I was when my parents took me to see Pretty Woman in theaters when I was 8, presumably because they couldn’t find a babysitter).
And then, Kid 2:
“It’s about a bird. With wings.”
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