We’re going to an out of town family wedding together this weekend and there’s been essentially zero coordination.
Category Archives: Family
Cuntonomics
Yes. Because that’s how famous I am.
My mother, in a text to my brothers, expressing what I think we can all agree is a completely valid wedding concern:
She’s No Enigma, My Mother
Insightful Conversations Inspired by Phish
Andrew: “At some point Phish will do a concert of JUST animal songs.”
Eric: “Let’s see, do they have enough? ‘Run Like an Antelope,’ ‘Vultures,’ ‘Possum,’ ‘Lizards…’
Andrew: “‘Ghost!'”
Eric: “Um, what animal is in ‘Ghost?'”
Andrew: “A ghost…”
Dad (just now, at dinner): “So I know we were supposed to leave the Outer Banks on Sunday, but given the weather and incoming hurricane, I’ve decided that we need to leave tomorrow.”
Us:
“99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall…”
— My mother, singing to her 1 year old grandson.
The Chef’s Secret
Last night we’re all sitting on the couch enjoying Zack’s world-famous banana bread.
Me: “This really is the best thing I’ve ever had. And I don’t even like banana bread.”
Zack: “Well, this is actually an existing recipe, I just put my own secret twist on it.”
Me: <shoving more forkfuls in my pie hole>
Zack: “I double the butter.”
“Zack, is your shirt written in Chinese?”
— Andrew, 100% serious.
We had been drinking.
“The fact that you guys don’t play music on the beach makes me want to kill myself.”
— Eric, dramatically disapproving of the way this family vacations.
Emily's Posts 