Category Archives: Kids/Teaching

I Totally Get It, Brian Williams

Kids/Teaching, , , ,

Everyone needs to lay off Brian Williams. Who DOESN’T lie at work?!

  • “This is the most interesting Colonial America expository I’ve ever read!” (not possible)
  • “I don’t understand why you think it’s so funny when I read the words ‘Moby Dick.'” (I do. I get it. You’re 9.)
  • “I’m not upset that you’re sick, I’m upset that you’re not covering your mouth when you cough.” (I’m VERY upset that you’re sick– GO HOME!)
  • “The Handwriting-Detective app on my iPhone will help me figure out who wrote ‘sex’ on this post it note, so I suggest you just confess.” (Handwriting app doesn’t exist, but I already know the culprit, as only one of you knows what sex is.)
  • “I respect your parents’ decision not to let you wear deodorant, and I don’t at all wish I could handcuff them to a table in this classroom on days we have gym first period.” (I make this plea to god every Thursday)
  • “This math lesson is going to be interesting AND fun!” (a quick two-lies-in-one)
  • “I missed you over the summer!” (I feel like you’re not even buying this one, so I’m not sure why I keep saying it)
  • “Everything we do in this classroom is important!” (It’s not. It’s just not. Composite vs. prime numbers? No. Who cares. You’re fine.)

Although I suppose one could argue that I, too, should be fired…

brian-williams

The Smartest Answer

Kids/Teaching

Me (to male student): “What worries you more– when I’m absent or when [my co-teacher] is absent?”
Kid: “I feel like this is a trick question that will get me in trouble no matter how I answer it.”

This kid is going to make a GREAT husband to some lucky, irrational lady one day.

Right. I See That Now.

Kids/Teaching,

Students were asked to analyze Adele’s “Set Fire to the Rain,” and to prove that the main character in the song shows strength.

Kid (approaching me with her finished essay): “I’m not so sure about this one.”
Me: “Ok, well before I read it, what is it you aren’t sure about?”
Kid: “Well…I used evidence from the text. I talked about how she burned her relationship in the flames, but I’m not really sure why that shows strength.”
Me: “Well, was it a good relationship? Was she being treated well?”
Kid: “No.”
Me: “So don’t you think it takes strength to end a relationship in which you’re not being treated well?”
Kid (pausing to think): “I don’t know. I’m 9.”

Things That Make Me Worried For Our Future

Kids/Teaching, , , ,

Kid: “How come on my math sheet you wrote that I had to write the answer in hashtags?”
Me: “No, honey. Not hashtags. NUMBERS. You were supposed to write a matching NUMBER sentence.”
Kid: “But you wrote hashtag.”
Me: “Well, believe it or not, back in the olden days– the days of yore, if you will– THAT was a symbol for the word ‘number!'”
Kid (skeptical): “Well that’s just weird.”

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