I pull the hood of my puffy coat over my head, whimpering in the cold.
Eric: “There ya go! Warm now?”
Me: “Ugh. No. My eyes are still watering and freezing. I need a hood that covers my ENTIRE face.”
Eric: “That’d be perfect actually.”
Me: “Why? So you don’t have to look at me?”
Eric: “Are you kidding me? I LOVE looking at you!”
Me: “Awww…babe…”
Eric: “It’s listening to you that’s hard.”
When you’re on your couch but on a group text with a guy at the Phish concert and a guy streaming said Phish concert.
My New Year’s resolution is to care less about what’s happening on social media.
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That moment when you agree to go to another Phish concert. On Saturday.
I kind of get it.
😳🐠
Tonight I am attending my first Phish concert ever.
Eric: “Your only job tonight is to embrace what’s around you, and if you’re judging, judge silently.”
Me: <Long, confused stare. Wondering if he knows me at all.>
Eric: “Ok, fine. Judge out loud, but only to me.”
Deal.
Eleven days ago I had a biopsy done because my doctor saw something that looked, as he so eloquently and not at all alarmist-ly put it, “less than impressive” (what every woman wants to hear from a man staring up-close at her half-naked body…but I digress).
Since then, I have spent 11 days googling and thought-spiraling myself into a diagnosis of about 568 different versions of cancer. (Are there even that many kinds of cancer, you ask? Well, the answer is YES, if you count all the varying combinations one could have. Because some people have ankle cancer and eyebrow cancer at the same time, guys). So in the past week and a half, I’ve been having pounding heart palpitations, shortness of breath, sweating profusely, plagued by nightmares, and overall haven’t been able to relax. At all.
My doctor just called and everything is completely fine. The results were 100% normal.
So clearly, there’s a lesson here.
If you make yourself sick enough with worry and completely destroy your mental health (and the mental health/patience/will to live of those around you) for 11 solid days, God will say “Ok, everyone here has suffered enough” and reward you with a clean bill of physical health.
So YOU’RE WELCOME FOR THE ADVICE.
Sitting on the beach with my kindle…
Me (without lifting my eyes from the screen): “You know, I have to say, I really didn’t like this book at first, but it’s taken an interesting turn and now it’s actually getting pretty good.”
Eric: <No response. Because, unbeknownst to me, he had gotten up and gone to the Tiki bar to watch football.>
Barista: “And what’s your name for the order?”
Me: “Emily.”
Barista: “With two L’s or three?”
Me (pause): “Only two.”
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