I strolled back into the Pressed Juicery this morning (shut up), ready and willing to try something of the green variety. Whatever, when in Rome, right? (Rome = Kardashian Town). I encountered a helpful man who was happy to guide a juice novice.

Me: “I had a coffee one the other day and I swear it cured my headache. But it was really high in fat, so I’d like to try one of the green ones. Are any of these known to help headaches and fatigue?”
Helpful Man: “Do you get headaches often?”
Me: “Yes.”
Helpful Man: “Do you have any allergies?”
Me: “Not that I’m aware of…”
Helpful Man: “Wheat?”
Me: “No.”
Helpful Man: “Gluten?”
Me: “No. No allergies. But I often feel headachy and dehydrated, even though I drink lots of water.”
Helpful Man: “Hmmmm”
Me: “I think it’s just because I’m Jewish.”
Helpful Man: “Yeah. Unfortunately we don’t have anything for that.”

Damnit.