Things you don’t want to hear your psychiatrist say when you tell her you have the flu:
“Wow. You get sick more than anyone I know.”
Tag Archives: doctors
Doctors Love Me, Part 2
(Continuation of Doctors Love Me)
After diagnosing me with the flu, doctor leaves room to get prescription pad, comes back to see me sobbing.
Doctor: “Why are you crying?”
Me: “I don’t know. It’s just something that happens.”
Doctor: “It’s just the flu. You thought you had cancer. This is good news!”
Me: “I know” (crying harder).
Doctor: “Ok, go home and get some rest.” (hands me Tamiflu script)
Me: “Can you prescribe anything for the crying?”
Doctor: (checking my chart) “Looks like you’re already taking it.”
Well, fuck.
Doctors Love Me
Doctor: “What brings you here today?”
Me: “A Web MD search gone horribly wrong.”
Doctor: “Ah. So– cancer?”
Me: “Four different kinds. One in an organ I didn’t know existed.”
Doctor: “So you have a cold. Maybe the flu.”
Me: “I really don’t think so. It feels worse.”
Doctor: “It feels worse because you’ve googled yourself into a state of hysteria.”
Me: “With all due respect, I think I know my body.”
I have the flu.
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