(Continuation of Maybe I Should Go Shopping)
Just now, tutoring…
Kid: “Oh my GOSH— you’re wearing the green sweater AGAIN!!!”
Me: “I know, I did that on purpose. Just to see what you’d say.”
Kid: “Oh ok. You’re silly.”
Me: “I know.”
I did not do it on purpose.
(Continuation of This New Guy and This New Guy, Part 2 )
There’s no better feeling than when you’re both on the exact same page ❤
Kid: “Miss Emily, what’s inside a black hole?”
Me: “You know who knows a lot about black holes? My brother. He was an environmental studies major and is just generally obsessed with the idea of space and the universe.”
Kid: “Ok, well he’s not here, so can you just tell me?”
Me: “Well…”
Kid: “You don’t know the answer, do you?”
Me: “No I do not.”
Kid: “Ok. Next time you can just say that.”
Me: “Noted.”
Kid: “Also, maybe your BROTHER should be a teacher. It sounds like he knows things.”
Me (to kid): “Ohhhh, you got braces!”
Kid: (embarassed and unamused) “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Me: “Oh. Ok. They hurt?”
Kid: “Yes. And it’s hard to talk.”
Me: “I totally understand. If it makes you feel better–”
Kid: “Yeah, I know. You had braces in high school.”
Me: “Ok. Guess I’ve told that story before.”
Kid: “Yeah. A lot.”
Me: “Ok, well, I’m just saying, I can relate.”
Kid: “It would make me feel better if you had braces NOW….but it doesn’t make me feel better that you had them in high school. That was like…” (stops himself)
Me: “That was like what? A REALLY LONG TIME AGO? Is that what you were going to say?”
Kid: “Yeah. But then I realized.”
Me: “Realized what?”
Kid: “How sad that would make you.”
Good. They’re learning.
Kid: “Miss Emily! Your hair is as beautiful as SpongeBob’s!”
Tutoring a kid in fractions, the word “sixths,” keeps coming up, which is a difficult word for me to say, given that I have a slight lisp…
Me: “Sorry, I know I keep mispronouncing it, but it’s hard for me to say with my lisp.”
Kid: “What’s a lisp?”
Me: “It’s a speech impediment. It makes it hard to say certain sounds, like ‘th’ and ‘s.'”
Kid: “Is that why you sometimes spit when you talk?”
Me: “Oh….um. Yes. I actually had convinced myself that no one noticed that.”
Kid: “Oh, I noticed.”
Me: “Yes, clearly.”
Kid: “And, like, I never notice ANYTHING.”
Me: “Great.”
Kid: “Seriously, my mom’s always like ‘Katie, how do you NOT notice that? It’s right in front of you!'”
Me: “I see.”
Kid: “But yeah. Anyway. I noticed the spitting.”
My mom is in town for the week, and last night the whole family got together for dinner:
Mom: “What are your plans tomorrow?”
Me: “I have a date. A first date.”
Brother-in-law: “Where are you going?”
Me: “I forgot the name. It’s a place I’ve never been to before.”
Brother-in-law: “You should try this place The Jeffrey. They have really good drinks. I think it’s expensive though, so maybe save it for a 3rd date.”
Mom: “Yeah, if she makes it that far.”
Kid: “How come you always wear the same thing when you come to tutor me?”
Me (in a completely unnecessary defensive tone): “I do NOT!”
Kid: “Yes you do. You always wear that green sweater.”
Me: “I really don’t think that’s accurate. I admit I wear this sweater a lot, but not every week.”
Kid: “Yes you do. Look.” (Pulls out tally chart below) “I’ve been keeping track since October.”
Well I’ll be damned.
As our class waited to enter the cafeteria, I showed a student a picture of my month-old nephew, face-planted on a blanket, doing absolutely nothing, as babies do.
Kid: “Aww! Cute.”
Me: “I know! Isn’t he SO smart!?”
Kid: (looks quizzically at the picture)
Me: “Like, the way he’s just lying there! It’s genius!”
Kid: “Ummm…I guess?”
Me: “I’m telling you, a baby who can rest like this– he’s going to cure cancer one day.”
Kid: “Oh I see. You’re messing with me.”
Me: “Yes! You’re finally able to read my sarcasm!”
Kid: “Well, it’s not really fair– sometimes you’re being sarcastic and sometimes you’re just being weird.”
Me: “Ah. So the truth comes out. You think I’m weird.”
Kid (backtracking): “Well, yeah…but like, weird is GOOD. There’s no such thing as weird, really. Weird just means different.”
Me: “Are you just saying that to make me feel better?”
Kid: “No!”
Me: “Really?”
Kid (defeated): “Ok…yeah.”
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