Tag Archives: kids

Early Warning Signs

Kids/Teaching, Mental Health, , , ,
Checking reading comprehension…
 
Me: “In this story, Enid compares herself to a jade plant that has been neglected. How might the jade plant relate to the way Enid is feeling?”
Kid: “Well, like, the plant hasn’t been watered, so it’s dying. And Enid feels lonely and sad, which means she is slowly dying inside.”
Me: “Beautiful answer.”
 
Then I handed her some Prozac and a shot of whiskey. 

Sometimes I Forget That Kids Don’t Know Anything

Kids/Teaching, , ,
Kid: “What does bio-diversity mean?”
Me: “Well, do you know what diversity means?”
Kid: “Of course.”
Me: “Ok, so that’s a clue as to what bio-diversity means.”
Kid: “So…like, a a place where living divers live?”
Me: “Ummm. Perhaps I should have asked what you think diversity means…”
Kid: “A city of divers. Divers-city.”
Me: “Ok. Take a seat. Let’s start from square 1.”
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Your Mom is a Selfish Windbag

Kids/Teaching, , , , , , , , ,
Us (to kid who looks blatantly ill): “Do you feel ok?” 
Kid: “No. I have the flu.”
Us: “Then why are you here?!?”
Kid: “My mom said if I have too many absences I won’t get into middle school.”

A few things:

1. If you don’t get into middle school, it will be because you gave us the flu, and so we permanently branded you the dirty, germy kid. This will be the first line of your middle school recommendation letter. We might even add in that you smell. Not because it’s true, but because we hate your mom. 

2. Tomorrow, we will send a big ball of phlegm to your mother’s office, which will sit on her desk all day, slowly oozing around her workspace and contaminating everything and everyone. Tit for tat, lady. 


3. Leave this room. Now. (He did. And went to the nurse. Who took his temperature. Which was over 100 degrees.)

4. We know it’s not YOUR fault. We do like you a little less, though. I’m sorry. It’s just what happens.

5. Feel better, kiddo! 


Serious Potential 

Kids/Teaching, Random Thoughts/Happenings, , ,

In a lesson about classifying units of measurement…

Co-teacher: “So ounces and pounds measure WEIGHT. What do inches, centimeters, and feet measure?”

Student (raising hand enthusiastically): “Stuff!”

My co teacher was extremely concerned. But if you ask me, he answered the question (and not technically incorrectly, I might add), while staying extremely vague and noncommittal.

This kid is our future president.