And then I drank 5 bottles of wine to celebrate.
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Thoughts I Have When Spending an Extended Amount of Time With a Baby
Nobody high-fives me when I poop.
Yeah I’m not ready to have kids.
He’s Going to Make a Fine Professor One Day
“This family is a bunch of aristocrats…can’t even get themself….themself….themselve…fuck it never mind” (walks away).
— Jeremy, reacting to the fact that we have no American cheese in the house.
There’s a Lawsuit Here
The makers of Swiss owe me about 8128390283 tiny circles of cheese.
IS it?
“Getting sand in your butt is just part of growing up.”
— Mom, to my baby nephew
I did not ask for the backstory.
He Fucked With Mom’s Dessert
(Continuation of Don’t Fuck With Mom’s Dessert )
“You people don’t know ANYTHING about ice cream. You gotta get the stuff people actually LIKE. You can’t be cheap about ice cream.”
— Mom, when my brother-in-law came back from the store with Turkey Hill brand.
I tried to warn you, man. 
Don’t Fuck With Mom’s Dessert
(Related to Don’t Fuck With Mom’s Coffee )
Zack is running to the grocery store and asked if we had any requests. 
Secretly hoping he returns with fro-yo, just to see what happens.
#GrandmaCharlieWillCutYou
Test Your Emilysposts Knowledge
If you can identify all the family members by their nicknames on this OBX wine charm assignment grid, congrats, you’ve been paying attention!
**Note: 6 are my immediate family (me, parents, my siblings). One is a brother in law. Two are significant others. One is a huge pile of dough.
Uncle of the Year
The entire family is here in the Outer Banks (OBX) for our annual 2-week vacation, but Jeremy doesn’t arrive until Thursday…
Roadblocks
Staring at your Charity Miles app for almost the entire duration of your 9 mile OBX run in what can only be described as dog-death humidity (I swear I passed a whimpering, defeated camel), does NOT make the time go by faster.
It DOES, however, cause you to trip over a toddler on his tricycle.
Sorry, kid.
But seriously. Stop crying.
You’re fine.
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