“Oh for Christ’s sake, it’s the knob!! THE KNOB!!! JUST TURN THE KNOB!”
— Eric, at 4:00 in the morning, knowing the exact reason* why I shot out of bed and frantically tried flicking on every light switch across the bedroom wall.
*profusely sweating. Searching for fan switch.
“99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall…”
— My mother, singing to her 1 year old grandson.
Last night we’re all sitting on the couch enjoying Zack’s world-famous banana bread.
Me: “This really is the best thing I’ve ever had. And I don’t even like banana bread.”
Zack: “Well, this is actually an existing recipe, I just put my own secret twist on it.”
Me: <shoving more forkfuls in my pie hole>
Zack: “I double the butter.”
“Zack, is your shirt written in Chinese?”
— Andrew, 100% serious.
We had been drinking.
“The fact that you guys don’t play music on the beach makes me want to kill myself.”
— Eric, dramatically disapproving of the way this family vacations.
“I don’t know how to tell you this but…I think your brother might be a lesbian.”
— Eric, listening to Jeremy’s playlist of folksy cover artists.
Sitting on the beach in complete and utter silence, reading our books. Then, out of nowhere…
Zack: “I really miss my bidet.”
(No response from any of us)
Zack: “Living without a bidet is fucking chaos. It’s so primitive.”
(Still no response)
Zack: “Might as well wipe my ass with a banana leaf.”
Me: “It’s the 24th! It’s our 16 month anniversa–”
Eric: “No, no, no, NOPE. Officially no longer a day I need to remember or acknowledge.”
The whole family is sitting on the couch drinking coffee, while Steph reads Is Your Mama a Llama to Tyler.
Steph (reading in her mommy voice): “‘Oh!’ I said. ‘You are right about that. I think that your mama sounds more like a……'”
(pauses to turn page)
Zack: “LIKE A WHORE!!!!!!”
Judging by the amount of activities and bro-ness happening on this OBX trip, it is very apparent that Eric is the best thing that ever happened to Andrew, Zack, and me.
In that order.
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