My Dad gets my blog posts sent to his email. I guess the last one worried him.
Tag Archives: flu
Empowerment
The last time I had the flu, I was in a relationship, so I stayed at my boyfriend’s apartment the entire time. He took care of me, fixed my meals, brought me meds, etc, and I remember thinking that I would be totally screwed if he wasn’t there to help me, as the flu is so exhausting it can make you downright delusional.
But you know what? Now that I have the flu and I’m all alone, it’s kind of empowering.
There’s a certain dignity in lapping up your lukewarm soup like a cat because you’re too weak to manipulate a spoon.
Or getting lost on your way to the bathroom in your studio apartment.
Or answering your remote control because you think it’s your phone, and then moaning into it when you’re certain your mom has picked up on the other line.
Or eating this yogurt:
I got this, guys.
Doctors Love Me, Part 2
(Continuation of Doctors Love Me)
After diagnosing me with the flu, doctor leaves room to get prescription pad, comes back to see me sobbing.
Doctor: “Why are you crying?”
Me: “I don’t know. It’s just something that happens.”
Doctor: “It’s just the flu. You thought you had cancer. This is good news!”
Me: “I know” (crying harder).
Doctor: “Ok, go home and get some rest.” (hands me Tamiflu script)
Me: “Can you prescribe anything for the crying?”
Doctor: (checking my chart) “Looks like you’re already taking it.”
Well, fuck.
Doctors Love Me
Doctor: “What brings you here today?”
Me: “A Web MD search gone horribly wrong.”
Doctor: “Ah. So– cancer?”
Me: “Four different kinds. One in an organ I didn’t know existed.”
Doctor: “So you have a cold. Maybe the flu.”
Me: “I really don’t think so. It feels worse.”
Doctor: “It feels worse because you’ve googled yourself into a state of hysteria.”
Me: “With all due respect, I think I know my body.”
I have the flu.



