That moment when your therapist starts referring to the men in your life by number, because they all have the same goddamn jewish name and she can’t keep track.
“Can’t you date a Dennis?”
“I’m sorry– a Dennis?!”
“Ok. That was a bad example.”
Tag Archives: jews
What I Want to Write In the “Comments to Parents” Section of This Kid’s Report Card
“Dad, keep being Jewish. Mom, keep being Asian. You have created the perfect hilarious, hard-working child.”
Just Like Cinderella
I am going to the FIDF (Friends of the Israel Defense Forces) gala tonight, and I’m feeling JUST LIKE Cinderella. Except instead of a new blue ball gown, a twice-worn short black dress that may or may not fit. And instead of gleeful mice helping me get ready, a family of beady-eyed rabid rats scratching at my balcony door. And instead of a horse-drawn carriage, a delayed 6 train car with two separate puddles of urine. And instead of a fairy god mother, my jewish mother texting me right after I post this to ask “so who’s going tonight?” And instead of Prince Charming, a balding jew in finance.
Basically we’re both blondes.
Well, this season we’re both blondes.
Always Be Honest With Your Dating App, Part 9
(Part of the Always Be Honest With Your Dating App series)
Pretty Much Nothing Has Made Me This Happy in a Very Long Time.
My favorite part is the completely unamused brother. Every family has that sibling. #stephanie
Watch the video ’til the end. It only gets better.
You’re welcome.
This New Guy
Or life?
Unfair
When I told my date last night that I am going to Florida in February, he immediately jumped to the conclusion that my parents have a second home there. He literally just assumed that because I am a Jewish girl from the east coast, my family MUST have a house in Florida. And that really pissed me off.
Because why DON’T we have a house in Florida, Mom and Dad?
A Letter to God (Yom Kippur 2013)
Hi God!
Here’s the deal– I’m not fasting. But here are some jewy things I’ve done so far today to make up for it:
1. Ran 18 miles (aka: suffered)
2. Woke up anxious
3. Argued with the CVS cashier about the validity of my coupon (and saved a cool 3 bucks!)
4. Gave my unsolicited opinion
5. Complained about my hair
6. Wandered
And tonight I plan to dance with no rhythm, but believe wholeheartedly in the moment that I look awesome.
Hope this will suffice,
Emily
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