“When I first got the letter introducing you as my teacher, I thought ‘Ok, average 30-something with a decent education.’ But you’re so much more than that.”
–Kid, during our end-of-year party, thanking me.
I think.
Tag Archives: teaching
Just Based On Your Looks
Kid: “Some people who believe in reincarnation make predictions about what a person will be in her next life, based on the animal she currently resembles.”
Me: “Interesting. So what will I be in my next life?”
Kid: “Hmmm…I’m thinking something in the feline family. Perhaps a siberian cat.”
Me: “What?!”
Kid: “Well, no, I mean…just based on your looks.”
Me: “Yeah no, I got that.”
Kid (shrugging): “Well, sorry. But it’s true. Based on personality would be a totally different animal though. But I’m not sure right now. Give me the weekend, I’ll think about it and let you know on Monday.”
Great. Can’t fucking wait.
They Noticed
So yesterday this happened and I was just kind of hoping the students forgot about it (as I like to think kids do when something extremely uncomfortable occurs). I convinced myself that the moment was much more awkward and memorable for me than it was for them, and that they probably didn’t even notice.
Yeah, well. They did.
Today we started writing an end-of-year school newspaper. Here’s what one kid is contributing to the Comics section (work still in progress). I’ve translated the kid’s writing in pink, in case you can’t read it.
So I think the moral here is, even 10-year-olds notice when you act like an awkward buffoon.
This is sure to do wonders for my social anxiety.
Not Everyone Relates
Colleague (referring to the fact that no parents showed up to our Parent Engagement Night): “At least it gave you some time to finish report cards!”
Me (rolling my eyes): “Oh, please. We finished those last week. Mentally, I’m already in Israel.”
Colleague: <completely and utterly unamused>
Probably because he’s my boss.
UGGGGGHHHHHHH
Me: “Why does the last month of school drag on foreverrrrrrrrrrrrr?!?!?!?”
And then, at some point between my trips to Israel, Michigan, and the Outer Banks this summer, someone punches me in the face.
Because I deserve it.
Throwing in the Towel
That moment when you’re reading a super awkward part in the class read-aloud about a boy and a girl at a middle school dance, and a kid calls out “Woo– nice flirting!”
So you just throw the book down, get up and leave.
Because you’re laughing so hard you’re crying.
The Worst Kind of Kid
Kid (complaining): “Why is my photo on the classroom door in black and white and everyone else’s is in color?”
Me: “Because you missed the entire first week of school when we took the photos, so we had to print yours on the classroom printer instead of CVS. Remember that? When you missed the whole first week, because mom thought it was more important for you to be on vacation than to be in school learning? And you came back and had no idea what to do, and we had to take the time to re-explain every single thing you missed?”
Kid (head down): “Yeah…”
As a child, I missed the entire first week of school every single year, K through 8th grade, to vacation with my family in the Outer Banks.
It was fucking awesome.
Last Night’s 4th Grade Band Performance
Kid (to my co teacher and me, as she exits the stage after the performance): “That was horrible!”
Us: “What?! Stop! Don’t say that! It was wonderful! You were great!”
It really was fucking awful.
The Worst That Can Happen
Kid: “I’m really glad you’re coming to the band concert tonight because I am REALLY nervous.”
Me: “Aw, there’s nothing to worry about. Really, what’s the WORST that can happen?”
Kid: “Well, I could drop my clarinet in the middle of the song, it could crash into pieces, everyone would stare, the song would stop, I’d have to pay for the instrument, the concert would be ruined and it would be all my fault.”
(long pause)
Me: “Yeah. That’d be bad.”
#june
Way to be all-inclusive, DOE
I would like to thank the NYC Dept of Education student-survey-makers for putting me in the position where I had to answer this question from a kid:
“Miss Emily, for number 30– what does ‘other’ mean?”
Emily's Posts 