That feeling of pride you get when you take your students’ 4th grade state practice exam and only get one wrong.
That’s still an A, guys.
Tag Archives: teaching
Professional Development
That moment when the person leading your whole-school professional development session tries to go to readathon.com on the hugely projected screen, but instead goes to thon.com.
Not one person was mature about it.
Oh, ok then. Excused.
“My mom was doing my hair.” — Kid, on why she is 2 hours late for school.
For the record, her hair is in a bun.
Why Teachers Need Raises
Ebola Mom, Part 17
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
I’m less concerned about the fact that my cell number was passed along without my permission than I am about the fact that someone has chosen to be good friends with Ebola Mom.
Also– 13 YEAR OLD BOY?! No. My misery quota for this season has been filled.
Early Warning Signs
Checking reading comprehension…
Me: “In this story, Enid compares herself to a jade plant that has been neglected. How might the jade plant relate to the way Enid is feeling?”
Kid: “Well, like, the plant hasn’t been watered, so it’s dying. And Enid feels lonely and sad, which means she is slowly dying inside.”
Me: “Beautiful answer.”
Then I handed her some Prozac and a shot of whiskey.
Sometimes I Forget That Kids Don’t Know Anything
Kid: “What does bio-diversity mean?”
Me: “Well, do you know what diversity means?”
Kid: “Of course.”
Me: “Ok, so that’s a clue as to what bio-diversity means.”
Kid: “So…like, a a place where living divers live?”
Me: “Ummm. Perhaps I should have asked what you think diversity means…”
Kid: “A city of divers. Divers-city.”
Me: “Ok. Take a seat. Let’s start from square 1.”
You Know You’ve Lost Perspective When…
…you’re SUPER excited for this 4th grade Colonial America choral concert because at least it’s not a 3rd grade recorder concert.
This must be how you parents out there feel ALL THE DAMN TIME.
Your Mom is a Selfish Windbag
Us (to kid who looks blatantly ill): “Do you feel ok?”
Kid: “No. I have the flu.”
Us: “Then why are you here?!?”
Kid: “My mom said if I have too many absences I won’t get into middle school.”
Kid: “No. I have the flu.”
Us: “Then why are you here?!?”
Kid: “My mom said if I have too many absences I won’t get into middle school.”
A few things:
1. If you don’t get into middle school, it will be because you gave us the flu, and so we permanently branded you the dirty, germy kid. This will be the first line of your middle school recommendation letter. We might even add in that you smell. Not because it’s true, but because we hate your mom.
2. Tomorrow, we will send a big ball of phlegm to your mother’s office, which will sit on her desk all day, slowly oozing around her workspace and contaminating everything and everyone. Tit for tat, lady.
3. Leave this room. Now. (He did. And went to the nurse. Who took his temperature. Which was over 100 degrees.)
4. We know it’s not YOUR fault. We do like you a little less, though. I’m sorry. It’s just what happens.
5. Feel better, kiddo!
Maybe This is Why I’m Sick
Me (while tutoring, trying to open kid’s magazine to the assigned homework article): “Hmmm…it seems these pages are stuck together.”
Kid: “Yeah. Probably a booger.”
Annnnd I’m out.
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